DANCE, MONKEY, DANCE!

HERO

I just remembered this story because I was asked today what the most amazing thing that I have ever done was. It isn't much, but it brings back pleasant memories and a very warm smile...

Back in my university days I was chilling outside with some friends one day when the neighbour's kid came in distraught and in tears. Their lamb had been hit by a car...

Out of curiosity and solidarity my friends and I went to the scene of the accident. The lamb lay there on its side, still and bleeding through its nose, unable even to gasp for breath. It was dying a very slow and painful death which was traumatic to witness. Furthermore, its mother stood there by its side bleating, nuzzling and licking him. The scene was so touching, and without thinking about it I moved into action. I gently picked up the little lamb and took it back to my neighbour's house which was just around the corner. I checked for signs of breath by putting a piece of mirror in front of its nose. It misted a little so I knew there was some amount of breath going in and out and it wasn't too late to help. I then, to the shock of everybody around, proceeded to give the lamb mouth-to-mouth!

At this point everybody wanted to help. If this crazy guy actually gave a lamb mouth-to-mouth we surely can do something too, here's a life worth saving! We gently bound the lamb to a ply-wood board because it had cracked ribs, and we fixed one of its legs on a splint because of suspected damage. From time to time I'd give mouth-to-mouth and we just stayed there nursing her as best as we could. Luckily it was weekend and we had all the time...

The next day a friend of mine who was a vet student came by and administered some antibiotics, and after a few more days of TLC the lil lamb recovered. The feeling of fulfilment I felt because of this is indescribable...

Now how's that for a story? Be sure to tell your friends that you met a real-life hero today... ME! Haha :)

THAT THING CALLED LOVE

Ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable... It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You are not your own. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...

You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Love sucks...

ZWARTE PIET

In the folklore and legends of the Netherlands and Flanders (Dutch speaking Belgium), Zwarte Piet (meaning Black Pete) is a companion of Saint Nicholas (Dutch: Sinterklaas) whose yearly feast is usually celebrated on the evening of the 5th of December in the Netherlands (Sinterklaas-avond (English: St. Nicolas Eve), and the 6th of December in Flanders (Belgium), when they distribute sweets and presents to all good children.

The character of Zwarte Piet appears only in the weeks before Saint Nicholas's feast, first when the saint is welcomed with a parade as he arrives in the country (generally by boat, allegedly travelling from Spain), and is mainly targeted at children, who come to meet the saint as he visits stores, schools etc. He is sometimes associated with Knecht Ruprecht (English: Farmhand Rupert or Servant Rupert), but in the Low Countries the tradition has not merged with Christmas. -  Wikipedia

There is a lot of controversy surrounding this practice and the depiction of Zwarte Piet but I will not go into too much detail, instead I’ll leave you - the reader - with pictures and excerpts from other discussions online, as well as links so you can do your own research and make up your own mind. However, as a man of colour I find the concept of Zwarte Piet very offensive and derogatory.

Biased? Perhaps. But you need to stand in my shoes and under my skin before you cry foul. I’ve had the sad (and probably unrelated) experience on two different occasions and in two different countries; the Netherlands and Belgium respectively, where, in public (a dance café with predominantly white clients), and in full view of onlookers a woman (on both occasions the perpetrators of the act were women) walked up to me, reached out her hand and swiped my face. She then proceeded to inspect her hand, looked up at me in mock bewilderment, walked back to her friends, and showed them the evidence while gesturing as if to say "look, no stain! He’s not Zwarte Piet, he really IS black!" Words cannot describe the way I felt… This happened to me again a few years later, this time in Hasselt, belgium. The exact same thing, like déjà vu... anyways...

Here is an excerpt I pulled from a like-minded fellow on the internet… Zwarte Piet debate

“Zwarte Piet characters are typically performed by white people dressed in a renaissance minstrel’s outfit complete with blackface, painted red lips, and an ‘afro’-wig i.e. classic darkie iconography.

The characters usually speak in a ‘stupid’ or Surinamese accent, and are portrayed as childlike and mischievous when performing in public or on television programs. There is further evidence that such characters are subjected to racist ridicule, as evidenced by the following ‘satire’ which was released onto public television as late as 2007 and is available on the following URL with almost 450,000 views: Zwarte Piet satire on YouTube "

Quoting yet someone else whom I happen to agree with...

"In fact, the Zwarte Piet aspect is probably the most racist public celebration I can think of, its almost satirical, e.g. like having the 'Running of the Jew' celebration in Borat or a Ching Chong Chinaman celebration where everyone wears buck teeth and tapes their eyes slanty. The problem is that this is real, this is a modern, rich, and educated Western society (the Netherlands and Flanders) and it's the 21st century. Wake up! Zwarte Piet is a racist caricature and damaging to children. The only reason you don't think the same is because the psychological pressure caused by conforming to Dutch-speaking society is warping your view of reality"

- see Conformity experiments.

Like I said, do your research, and make up your own mind about this. I only ask that you be impartial in your final judgement.



I’ll end this touchy-for-me subject on a light-hearted note…

The other day I was in a small village in Westerlo, Belgium. I had an appointment to come take a look at an apartment that I had found on the internet that week, and as I had arrived much earlier than agreed on I decided to take a little walk to kill some time and get to know my potential new area of residence at the same time. It was nice and sunny. I made my way along the street and just as I was walking past a tobacco shop a man and his maybe 4 or 5 year old son walked out and the following happened in slow motion....

The little boy looked up at me, candy in hand, and his eyes lit up with joy. He turned to his dad, tugged at his arm, pointed excitedly at me and said… “Papa, look! Zwarte Piet!”

You could see the horror in the father’s eyes as he instinctively pulled his son back to him and covered him up protectively before I or anyhing else for that matter could harm his beloved son!

The cry of joy, the tugging papa’s hand, the pointing at me whilst saying that oh-so-very-wrong-in-the-adult-world words, and the instant look of fear in the man’s eyes at his son’s innocently horrid and potentially fatal error, hahaha.

As for me, I just walked on whilst chuckling to myself, poor man! All in all I found the little boy’s charming innocence heartwarming...

That’s all for now, please check below for more links on this subject...

* 6 to 8 Black Men * Jolly Black Slaves * Dutch debate: Zwarte Piet *

* Annual Zwarte Piet debate * Zwarte Piet/Black Peter Racism Links *

* Zwarte Piet: A 'fun' or racist tradition? *

 * Holland's Politically Incorrect Christmas *

* Zwarte Piet is a racist caracature *

SHADÉ

Born on the 23rd of March 2010 (19:33 hours) in Overpelt, Belgium, Shadé is the latest addition to the family of Wale Asafa (father), Ilse Vanbroeckhoven (mother), and Tayo (elder brother). She weighed 2.860 Kg at birth, and was 48.5 cm in length...

Her parents are friends of mine, and I took the pictures when I went to visit at the hospital... she was approximately 1.5 days old then...

I was allowed to carry herfor a bit, and when I did I felt a rush of emotions and feelings, some intense. She looked so sweet and fragile and I felt a rush of connection with her so much so that I wanted to take her home with me! I definitely want one or two kids in the future. Just waiting for the right person to have them with…

Congrats Ilse and Wale, I wish you both the best and I pray both your kids get to grow up strong and healthy and live blessed lives.

3 'girly' generations:

Tine Vanbroeckhoven > Ilse Vanbroeckhoven > Shadé Asafa

PS: Can I keep Shadé? Pretty pleeeease?...

Copyright © M. Marsh 2010

MEN ARE PIGS!

Now that I have your attention; what’s up with (most) women and this very tired phrase, huh?

“Men are pigs,” what’s up with that? I swear I’ve heard that stupid phrase one too many times and I just have to vent! If men are pigs it can be concluded (with the same breath, and in the same context) that women are unintelligent, foolish, and gullible! Repetitive…?

Damn right!

“What do women want?” This is a very tired question and if I knew the answer to that I’d be bigger than Bill Gates. On the other hand I do know what women don’t want. From what I hear and read daily women don’t want a bum, a player, a jerk, or a ‘generic man.’ How come then that’s what they always seem to end up with? My conclusion… It’s their fault! You don’t agree with me? Read on…

If you have a tag-line on your internet profile that says “looking for a REAL man” and your primary profile picture is a close-up of your breasts with you in your bed, half naked, am talking to you.

If your tag line says “wht th3 F*** is going on h3r3...Wh3r3 ar3 th3 corr3ct black dud3s...” and you are dressed up like a wanna-be hiphop artist, and you think that 'gang banging' is awesome am talking to you.

If somewhere in your 'About me' section are written the words "I wanna be lil Wayne's 7th baby mama!" am talking to you.

If your tag line says “I’m tired of boys, I need a man!” and all or most of your pics are of you in the club getting drunk with your girl-friends, sticking your tongue out at the camera in a group photograph whilst pulling down your blouse to expose one or both of your breasts and the tattoo(s) there-on, am talking about you!

The wanna-be-gangsta, the attention seeker/craver, the lovelorn, and last but not least; the insecure ‘Barbie’ (you know the type!) all have one thing in common… They lack self-esteem and and they fail to realize that they are both unique and beautiful and no one should be allowed to make them think or feel otherwise!

Everybody wants a good thing so it’s quite natural for guys to crave and lust after models, and women after men with bodies like they were cut out of marble, but one thing most folks fail to realize is that it takes a specific (if not special) kind of mind-set, and total dedication to look like Barbie or Ken and keep that image. Where then is the special time for YOU in this ever-so-busy schedule of self-aggrandizement, and or self-involvement, and where is the space for love for you when they so obviously already are totally head over heels in love with themselves?

Read my lips, if he (or she for that matter!) has the time to look like a sculpture made by Michelangelo he most likely does not hold a regular 9-5 job and has no time for anyone or anything else! He’s either a habitually jobless bum, a training instructor (good luck with that!), a narcissist who has a 9-5 job (good luck with that too!), or worse (depending on where your priority lies); a criminal! On the other hand he (or she) could be a real life model (you lucky bastard!)

Women generally tend to have this grand illusion that they are able to change a man if they put enough time and effort to it. They continually deceive themselves with this fallacy and as such, reach out with great expectations to the ‘thug’ with arms and legs wide open. Then, when he acts true to his nature they are genuinely surprised. Like gravity, a thug can always be relied upon to perform!

“He fucks around, he's a cheat” “He hits me” “He got me pregnant and left me alone with the baby” “I gave him MY ALL, what more could he ask for?” and my personal favourite… “Men are such pigs!”

Boo hoo hoo!

You made your bed missy, now sleep in it. That’s just like keeping a pet croc and expecting it not to bite your arm off because you feed it tofu! You wanted a thug, you got a thug, deal with it! Don’t brand every other guy out there with the same label. There are many good guys out there who would love and cherish you and kiss the ground you walk upon, in fact you met one today! But nooo, you want that guy that makes your toes curl and your heart beat faster! That gangsta, that THUG - not the ‘boring’ romantic guy (lol), women! Tut tut tut…

When you send out wrong vibes you get bad results. To get respect you have to command respect. Earn it by first showing some respect for yourself, then you will send out the right kind of vibes and hopefully attract the right kind of guy. Believe me you don’t have to be half-naked on a public profile to command the right kind of attention or meet the right type of guy, men know what you look like under those clothes; we have a very creative sense of imagination and we can project images in 3D and Hi-def… Besides, ALL GUYS HAVE X-RAY VISION! Some of us are so good that we can tell what kind of panties you have on and what colour your under-wear is!

Don’t get me wrong though, I love eye-candy and so does every guy out there, but you need to command the right type of attention to draw and maybe keep the right kind of guy. You can’t be half naked in almost all your public pictures and expect to find and keep a decent man. Close-up boob shots, ass shots, etc, just scream out Booty Call! Any guy will attest to this. Its one thing for you to be in a sexy bikini by the pool-side or the beach; Flaunt what you have baby, Mother Nature blessed you! But if your usual pics are one where you’re in 10 centimeters of see-through négligé, in your bedroom, on your bed, on all fours, pouting your lips at the camera… expect wolves! ROARRR!

Have your sex, but when it’s done don’t start crying ‘all men are pigs’ because he leaves the next morning and doesn’t call back; you got what you asked for… a booty call. And if you didn’t use a condom, good luck!

I will stop here because I’m rambling and beginning to deviate. At this point I’d like to say that the characters above, although based on fact, are purely fictional. Any resemblance is purely coincidental!

Remember ladies; Let NO ONE put you down. R.E.S.P.E.C.T!

WHAT IS YOUR NATIONALITY?

My story begins from Friday the 25th of September 2009. Actually it begins much earlier but that is prologue… okay I’ll start from there. I finished my ‘opleiding’ or training in a technical school in Hasselt, Belgium on the 27th of July 2009. I passed all of my exams in flying colours, a good way to reward one’s self for 2 years of hard work. The end of my training/course coincided with the summer holidays end July/begin August, so I immediately took a break. 3 weeks later I started job hunting.

My occupation (to be) is in the heating industry. I was trained to install and fix heating systems, with emphasis on the heating machines that perform the combustion. I learnt all that was possible at my level about diesel and gas combustion heaters, and how to install them or fix them when there is a problem. This occupation is protected by the Belgian government and you need to be government certified to perform tasks in this field. By passing my exams, both theory and practical, I became government certified and I have all the relevant diplomas PLUS a 'Safety' certificate to boot.

Off I went job hunting, and with a lot of confidence in me I started shooting from the top. I sent off application letters to the big shot companies in the industry, companies like Vaillant, Buderus, Viessmann, ACV, Bosch, Weishaupt, etc, but to mention a few. I got some polite response from a few saying they had no vacancy at the moment and an invitation for a job interview by one. I was excited.

I travelled to Brussels for my interview on Friday the 25th of September 2009, and was well received. I was given a couple of technical questions (an exam) and had to be through in 30 minutes. This exam comprised of chemistry, physics, and electricity. I passed the exam with flying colours, and was, in the words of my examiner/interviewer “a very exceptional person because I got all the answers right, including one tricky technical question which only about 5 people ever interviewed in the last 3 years got right!”

I beamed with delight and modestly replied that I had a very good teacher. The interview went on and I hinted that I was prepared to relocate to another region in Belgium because of work. Asked where I had in mind I said Antwerpen, Hasselt, Maamechelen, Lanaken… This was interesting news and I was told that the company needed someone in Maasmechelen, and if I could relocate there it would be nice. I said I would. Everyone was happy. “Cat in the bag” I thought to myself with pleasure in my heart. I passed the exam in flying colours and I pulled one ‘Plus’ out of the bag; my willingness to move house for the company, yes!

I was told I’d be called on Monday the next week to be formally informed of the company’s decision about employing me. We shook hands and I left. 3 days later, on Monday, I waited for the ring but there was none. I checked my e-mails, nothing. By Friday there was still no phone call, no email, no news, nothing.

I gave it a week and wrote a polite email re-introducing myself and reminding the company that I was promised a call a week ago, perhaps they’d forgotten? “Please let me know the outcome of your decision and where I stand, yours sincerely, etc, etc…” I still haven’t heard a word from this company up till today. Now just how difficult is it to say “no” to me? “We are sorry, but after much contemplation and assessment of your stellar qualities we have decided not to employ you because…” That in my opinion would have been better than just leaving me in limbo and totally ignoring me after what I supposed to be a very good interview. I have my opinion about the reason behind this treatment and I’ll come to it in a while…

Not deterred, I kept sending out application letters for work, and this time I set my sights somewhat ‘lower’ and applied with small private companies. This time I sought something closer to home and got an interview with a company 10 minutes away from my residence. I announced myself at the reception and was received by two gentlemen who commenced the interview. They had all my documents in front of them but kept saying in wonderment “you have this? And this? And this? Nice…” for almost the entirety of the so-called interview. In the end I was told (unenthusiastically) that I had a very interesting application but there were other people who had to be intervieweed and that they’d give me a call to let me know. There and then I knew it was a no :(

OMG! I CAN'T GET A JOB BECAUSE I'M BLACK!

Now I know that 'line' sounds familiar, and you’re probably nodding your big head saying, yeah yeah, but the ugly truth is that I can’t get a job (yet) in my chosen field because of the colour of my skin and that is just ridiculous in this day and age. This takes me back 3 years ago when I first arrived in Belgium. I went for a course where immigrants are helped with choosing the ‘right’ occupation for them in Belgium. At the end of the course all us black guys were advised to settle for masonry because "that was the only thing we could really do here in Belgium without any problems."

I remember asking our coordinator why I couldn’t have a career in plumbing or heating, etc, because I really was interested in heating and she told me, with some embarrassment, that most Belgians (especially the elderly) would not like to let a black person into their homes, and she even gave us a true life story about a female senior citizen who refused a black plumber access to her home. Now that’s just sad. Belgium claims to be an open country when in fact it isn’t. It just seems 'open' because of Brussels, Antwerpen and some interracial dating here and there.

For 3 years I lived in the Netherlands before moving to Belgium and the contrast between both countries, even though they share the same border and the Dutch language, is stark. The Netherlands is unarguably the most open country in all of Europe, and compared to to it Belgium is a ‘closed nation.’ Can you imagine that I was once denied entry into an R&B club in Hasselt, Belgium? I don't drink, I don't smoke, and I was very reasonably dressed. Also, please forgive me this, I am BLACK!!! Talk about stereotypes...

What am I still doing here if it’s so bad you ask? Well, I have no choice at the moment. I’m here for economic reasons, and as any Dutch person will admit, living in Belgium is much cheaper than living in the Netherlands. Maybe it's time to go back? Better an expensive life of peace than a cheap one of pain, right? This brings me to the reason for the title of my blog... Today I was called by a job bank and they said “we sent your CV to a company and tried to introduce you to them but they want to know something... 

WHAT IS YOUR NATIONALITY?”

This was the last straw that broke the fabled camel’s back. I was so upset, and at the same time I was attacked by a bout racial complex and I said to the lady on the line “I’m a Dutch, BUT I’m black!” Now who the hell says “…BUT I’m black”? Do you see the point I am trying to make here? Being deeply psychologically traumatised, I begin to think and assume that I am not good enough for them. I mentioned at the beginning of this blog that I have my government certified diplomas. These documents are issued out by the Flemish ministry of environment, nature and energy, and only after one successfully completes a course/training in one of the government certified centres or institutions of training. The only way one can get into any of these centres is by having a valid Belgian permanent resident permit or by being a Belgian.

The course/training is highly specialised and taught only in the Dutch language. Physics, Chemistry, Advanced mathematics, and Electricity and Hydraulics form the entirety of the course, and these are taught in Dutch. This goes to follow that if one has these diplomas one has an admirable command and or understanding of the Dutch language. Circa, I have a good command/understanding of the language, and the technical know-how to competently do my job. Why then the VERY discriminatory question of "WHAT IS YOUR NATIONALITY?" and how is this relevant to my ability to do my job competently? Do you get my point? I can't get a job as a technician in my chosen proffession because it entails regular contact with (Belgian) clients, and since I'm black this is a no no. There’s always a job as a factory worker for a black guy in Belgium though…

*Addendum*
I'd like to add that not all Belgians are (entirely) prejudiced. I have Belgian friends and they are quite friendly and open to an extent. I say to an extent because even though they are cheerful friendly folks, there's still a strong flavour of conservationism in them.

The problem lies with the society at large: It is chronically myopic, and the attitude of most Belgians towards prejudice is...

"I hear about it but I've never SEEN it..."